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Random thoughts and little essays related to music, artists and their work. Just click on the boxes to read!!
Well, it's that time of the year folks, spotify wrapped and yes, spotify does suck if u want to actually support an artist buy physical albums and get merch, however im a hypocrite and have not that much money so i support whenever i can. I wanted this to be the first thing i talk about here because i think it would be fun and also yeah i wanna talk little about mine BECAUSE i have things to explain /j
First, this is my sandwich, very sexy yes, i think the new romantic one there at the second IS SO SEXY, i don't really know WHY it says new romantic but i trust spotify on that one. Now, kpop, as we can see here, will always have a chokehold on me, this year i kinda stopped listening to it, haven't found that many songs i like so i just kinda fell out, however the songs i do listen i listen to them quite a lot...you'll see. LET'S ACKNOWLEDGE THE BROADWAY IN THE ROOM!! listen im gay that should tell you all, but ALSO the fact here is that i don't watch the most well known shows, so it's full of like rocky horror and little shop of horrors shjahajh. But yeah the reason it's here is because i sing to those songs a lot.
Ok, now onto songs and artists...
GUYS I CAN EXPLAIN!! i don't think i listened to NewJeans that much, i don't kow what happened. I mean sure i did got into them for a while but i SWEAR i listened to talking heads WAY more, but anyways, the girlies are on top this year.
NIN and The Cure for another year!! but now i got Wham! and Talking Heads, im so happy they made it on my top 5!!! I got into them this year so i wasn't sure if they were gonna be here.
Now, about the songs...bro i got infected with happy girly music ok, it's their choreos being super fun to dance, can't help it. AND WE HAVE BILLY IDOL IN NUMBER ONE!!! i used to listen to that song a lot when i was visiting my bestie, so whenever i get a little nostalgic for that i listen to it again, yeah, very gay of me. The one in number 5 is because is SUCH A GREAT VERSION, guys is great, i fell asleep listeing to it once so i feel that's why is here.
I was not expecting like any of this, spotify is weird and it also sucks in general but hey, i have all my music in once place whenever im not actually listening to a CD.
I was gonna give like a super serious blog entry about this but i gave up, i don't know what im doing y'all!!
This is the first song i put out to the world ever, like this is so insane to me!! It's an electro? song, it has elements of industrial and rave, i wanted to sound cool but also intense, so this is what i ended up with, i certainly don't feel SUPER happy with it but i wanted to put it out before christmas, and i did, i think is a pretty good song tbh. It was a gift for my bestie, i jokingly said i wanted to make a song for them, i mean, i got to it, to the making and thought "where am i gonna put this on for listening?". Decided to make a whole youtube and soundcloud account, so technically, my music career can start right?
In terms of my love for music, i think is pretty obvious i really love and admire many artist's works, i live for listening to music, but also, for making music myself. I started (finally) teaching myself to produce and write better lyrics and stuff at the end of 2022, i have ALWAYS wanted to be a musician, more especifically, a singer, unfortunetly, i have never had support on that from my parents, so i have never learned to play any instrument or even went to singing lessons. Been singing my ENTIRE life for sure, i got so much better, from that 8 year old that was told they weren't good that and they should give up, to the 23 years old, with a song finally out to the world.
No vocals for now, (my mic hasn't arrive yet), but i hope that in the future when i get more songs out, you guys can support me, with a like or a coment or a share, it would mean the world to me. Singing has been my passion since i was a kid, i think of music as a huge part of my life, as a half of me, i wouldn't be where i am without my love for it, hell, i don't think i would even be alive wihout music. So yeah, i don't really care for becoming tiktok famous or anything, if i can get little gigs and some support, it would definitely make me feel like my job is done, even if my dreams are bigger, as long as someone enjoys what i do, im happy. I hope anyone who reads this has a good day/afternoon/night.
With much love, alexorcist.
I released my new song WITH vocals like a week ago !!!
That is my music video that i made ALL on my own, i have no professional camera or great editing or acting skills, but i made it and im proud of it ♡
I made the sound of the song first and then wrote for it, normally i have something written beforehand but i felt that what i had wasn't fitting, so the lyrics for Bittersweet were born, in like 3 days. I have never done vocals to a song i wrote so this was HARD to figure out, i think it came out ok, im gonna do a better job next time, so stay tuned.
Tried for the meaning to be a little cryptic but if you wanna ask what is about, just take a look at the first line, "I find myself between two walls", what do YOU think the walls are...
Anyways, is more like a double meaning song, not too deep but i wanted to try something like this, also the video was fun and hard to film. Also more of a concept than something blunt, i was sweating a lot while filming hsgahs AND i had to do this at night so no one would interrupt me and ask me what the hell was i doing lol.
If you stream it i wanna thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, this is my dream and my passion, if at least you give it a chance i will be so happy and grateful. Hope you enjoy ♡!!
With love and wet kisses, alexorcist.
I had to blog about it, i thought about putting this in the journal part but why not here, this is the music blog site right?
Im not good at articles or anything, so forgive me if this isn't what you expected it, anyways, let's get to it. First i wanna talk about how much this band means for me. I started listening to them when i was 15/16 i think i just randomly found one of their songs in an edit, liked it and decided to look into the band. This song was "Nancy Boy" off their first album, self-titled that came out in 1996. The lyrics of this song talk about, what i believe, is full of stereotypes of what people think bisexuality is like, drug crazed promiscuity. Molko, the singer of the band is openly bisexual, the lyrics of the song not only criticises the people that at the time thought that being bisexual was tendy but it also speaks to the machismo of the alternative music scene at the time.
The point is, i fell completely in love with the song and the band right there and then, i went onto listening to all their albums and watch their interviews and other stuff (including watching one of my fav movies for the first time ever). They changed my life in so many ways, seeing Brian Molko as someone as androgynous and free to be himself was so eye-opening for me, i love him and this band so much. So, you can imagine how i felt when i knew they were coming to my country...
I luckily had some money saved, othewise, there was NO WAY i would've been able to see them (im currently unemployed), so i waited for the day the tickets got out and bought it. The time went by SO FAST i didn't realize it was the week before the concert (my cat got health issues and i had been worried abt that), very nervous i got my outfit and makeup (inspired by Molko ofc) planned some days before the date. Then that was it, the time to see this band that has been so important for me since my teen years live in front of me. I'll admit, when their last album came out i wasn't super stoked with the songs but re-visiting it was like listening to an old friend talk, fell in love with those songs now. When it was time to hear them live, i knew every lyric, amazing.
Now for the concert itself, it was absolutely AMAZING, i was a little nervous that i wasn't gonna enjoy it because i was pretty far from the stage (only ticket i could afford), but i was blown away. They sound incredible live, they were electric on that stage, everyone on the crowd was cheering, the setlist was pretty good, specially for me since i enjoyed the songs from their last album, a lot of people had a big problem with the setlist lacking classic songs. I almost cried at 'Beautiful James', it seems a little silly to say but i have an OC i named James because of this song, to see them play it live kinda got to my emotions a bit, knowing that they keep being a big part in my life even after all these years. They said some words inbetween songs, they spoke some spanish and asked kindly for people to not record/take pictures, as it was comunicated to us before the show started.
They played more songs and then suddenly it was 'Bionic' playing in those speakers, a song from their first album, i held back tears once again, i was screaming the lyrics, yes, even from far away. Then when i felt the emotion overcoming again was during 'Soulmates', a song about connection and to not give up to negativity, also the name of placebo fans, so i was on the verge of tears during it, while Brian sings "soulmate dry your eyes". However, me trying to hold my tears wasn't enough when 'Too Many Friends' started playing, they had a violinist play live, man, it struck me to my core, i was fully crying to the lyrics, also yelling "my computer thinks im gay" was an amazing expierence, let me tell you that, hahaha. 'For What It's Worth' was an absolute party, so much fun, i was jumping along with some other 3 people in the place i was sitting, most people just enjoyed the show sitting down (i mean yeah, these were seated spaces) but i didn't had a choice so i decided to stand and enjoy the whole concert standing up. If im not wrong, it was during 'Slave To The Wage' that Stefan got off the stage to get closer to the crowd, yup, that's when i full on started sobbing and let out a "ohmygod" whipser, i was sososo far away, man, i wish this country's economy wasn't crumbling. Anyways, we all cheered at Stefan while he got back on stage.
Inmediately after that they started playing 'Song To Say Goodbye' so of course, i had no time to recover whatsoever, i was full on SOBBING and screaming, shame left behind, emotions at a full. This song played in the background during so many of my worst moments in high school. Now an adult, some of those issues solved, listening to this song live, with such a sense of bitterweet nostalgia, this song still holds up, it's such an amazing song, full of emotion and great lyrics. But wait, there's more, because after this song they played 'The Bitter End' another big song of my teen years, i actually have a vivid memory of me uploading a pic of a glittery eye makeup i did with the caption "B(Gl)itter end" so, yeah, cried more and more, this is SUCH a good song, i was jumping and singing like i was alone in my room. Oh yes, then 'Infra-red' ALL OF THIS BACK TO BACK, i have been sobbing for all of these songs, i was audibly saying "oh god, oh fuck", i couldn't believe it at all, they all sounded as great as they did in these albums back when they came out. They also did 'Taste in Men' which i wasn't sure if they were going to play it not, luckily they did, mindbowing.
After aother song (Fix Yourself) they ended the concert with 'Running Up That Hill' and of course, i was crying because i knew it was the end of the show and because i love this song so much, the original and this cover, i was actually first aware of this cover, then listened to Kate Bush's original. Such a beautiful song, i truly love it so much and Placebo's version is absolutely dear to my heart and super beautiful.
The conert was amazing, they perform with such ease and cause so much emotion. I wouldn't change this oportunity i had to see them live for nothing in the world. I really needed this concert, to be honest. Placebo made those hard past weeks i had seem like it was all fine again. On my way out of the venue, i found a feather (probably from a pigeon) but i took it, as a little reminder of this concert and unbelievable expierence. Thank you so much for everything Placebo, all of the years that you were there for me, for this concert in my country after 10 years of not coming here and for the future music and projects. Im so grateful.
I had to do this, we're twin souls actually, hope you enjoy my rambles and opinions on this amazing album!
So, i don't know if you have heard of her before, but im here to bring some attention to how great of a performer and artist she is. I have been listening to her music for more than a month (yes, a little late to the game), i watched many interviews and even recreated one of her makeup looks (we have a similar vibes), she has won me over with her talent and sweet and fun personality.
Chappell Roan got scouted off youtube back when she used to upload covers, Atlantic Records signed her three years after she posted her original song "Die Young". She released her first EP in 2017. She moved to LA a year after and toured with Vance Joy and Declan McKenna. In April of 2020 she released "Pink Pony Club" but failed to bring profit to the lable and they dropped her. She got broken up by her partner of four years in that same week.
She returned to Missouri to stay with her parents while working odd jobs. In late 2020 she went back to LA to try once more at music, she said that she would give herself a year and if it didn't work she would give up with music. On September 22, 2023 she released her debut album "The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess”, as she described it in an interview with Teen Vogue "It is the storyline of a girl who moved from a small conservative town to a city and had an awakening of this world she never knew existed… Which includes queerness, which includes heartbreak, which includes falling in love, which includes the city and clubs, and it’s the world of Chappell Roan." Today im gonna talk about this album and my review on her amazing songs.
The album starts with Femininomenon, she created the word combining 'Phenomenon' and 'Feminine'. Chappell explains: "It was about how it's a phenomenon if sleeping with a man is better than sleeping with a girl." She has also said in a reddit comment: "ummm no man could literally get me off (stilll the case ᵔᴥᵔ) and my cowriter and i were just messing around and made up the word haha! it's so weird"
This song has such a beautiful strings opening, very theater-like. It goes on with a soft tremolo piano and Chappell singing softly. It build with some synths in the back and right before the chorus the music stops and she says "Dude, can you play a song with a fucking beat?" and we get the very fun chorus. My favourite part is the bridge where we get a little speech from Chappell to remind women to not settle for less than they are worth! This is a very strong opening song to the album, absolutely gets you into the vibes of the whole world of Chappel Roan and leaves you wanting for more fun and insteresting songs.
Now Red Wine Supernova was actually the first Chappell Roan song i've heard, it was really stuck on my brain from tiktoks that came up on my fyp, decided to give her music a go and here we are. She describes the song as a "a campy gay girl song that captured the magic of having feelings for another girl" she has also said “I packed the song with fun raunchy lyrics that make it feel like a night out flirting with the girl across the bar!”
It's a very fun song describing her feelings for this girl she's dating, pretty upbeat with a great catchy chorus and the best part of the song, apart from the incredible vocals, is the bridge where she does a very fun "country kinda chant," with her running in place on the stage while she sings the very clever lines encouraging the crowd to sing with her.
After Midnight was born from a saying that Chappell's dad used to say to her, "nothing good happens after midnight." She talked about how when she moved out to LA at 18 she realized that "literally everything good happens after midnight" and how being a "good girl" is not for her.
It's a really catchy bubblegum pop song, with a really nice bassline, really makes you wanna dance while Chappell sings about flirting, clubbing, making out and just having fun.
Now to slow down things a little, Coffee. In this song she describes the feelings she goes through while trying to get over an ex she had. She explains: "I think the song was me trying to convince myself that we just don't need to go there. We'll get coffee during the day. We shouldn't do anything else, we definitely should not go to a bar. We should not get dinner, nothing. And I didn't do any of that. So we went to a bar and then I went to their house. I think that the song is the story of me making up what I was hoping it would be like."
This is such a soft, beautiful, vulnerable song. It really highlighs Chappell voice, her emotion while singing these lyrics, the soft breath in the last line "It's never just coffee" and then the harmonies with full emotion at the end. Guys, i don't have an ex, i never dated in my life but this song truly makes me cry, she's incredible at conveying her message.
Casual, one of her most popular songs, it made a big debate about what the physics of "Knee deep in the passenger seat" were. She said "The whole song came from like, I heard from their friend that they were saying it was casual, when I didn’t think it was. I did not think it was, but apparently it was, so. And to me I was like, how could this be? How could this be casual?" In this song she goes into how it feels for her to be in a situationship when she feels like their relationship isn't casual, when i love you hadn't been said yet but this feels like it isn't casual anymore.
It starts by the song slowly fading in, is a slow ballad rock song, her vocals once again are beautifully highlighted with the drowned out drums goin on in the back. Once again the emotion really hits here and it culminates in the outro, her voice yelling the last lines is truly such an amazing choice.
Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl (yes, great title), is the next song in the album, here we pick up the energy again, starts with a little speech from Chappell talking about a date she had with a man that wouldn't put any effort on said date. This song is a very intense and vibrant pop song, with heavy synths and roaring vocals. This track talks about what she really wants, a confident girl who is unapologetic about who she is, someone who can match her energy and uniqueness. An empowering anthem for individuality and sexuality.
HOT TO GO! also one of her more well known songs and personally one of my favourites. She said "I just wanted to make something simple and silly that I could do with the audience because I’m a huge fan of audience participation. Also, selfishly (and shamelessly) wanted to bounce around on stage singing a song about being hot." I love her.
In this song we get a very catchy and repetitive chorus with a dance similar to the YMCA, Chappell said she wanted her own version so she created the "H-O-T-T-O-G-O" dance which she teaches at her concerts. Really makes you wanna dance to it, the cheerleading-style beat along with the instruction to dance in the lyrics, this is a total club banger. The lyrics dscribe her as a meal ready and "hot to go", eager for someone to pick her up, desperate and urgent for this person to get with her before she "gets cold."
Now My Kink Is Karma. Chappell said "I’ve been through some pretty gnarly breakups. I was just sitting in the session and I was like, ‘Ah, it feels so nice that my ex is doing horrible!’ Which is insanely toxic. The song is toxic! I’m very aware that it’s not healthy. But that’s how I was feeling that day."
This song is about how she finds pleasure in finding out that karma is doing it's job, a belief in cosmic justice on her ex. We hear Chappell going from expressing the pain of the breakup, the satisfaction of this ex getting what they deserve and how she, after all, is feeling herself and found a new confidence in being on her own.
Picture You, is a song that is directly related to Casual, Chappell says "They're about the same situation. 'Picture You' was about how I wanted them to see me so badly and like I was like obsessive over them. And then it turned out to be just casual for them. And that's why it was so shocking to me because I had pictured them in so many different ways, you know? So, I think 'Picture You' is a sombre song as well as kind of a sexy song."
A soft sigh starts the song, distorted strings follow and we get a slow beat, Chappell's soft voice intimately talking about all the ways she pictures this person "When I think of you, Every night, Both lips on the mirror, It's ritualistic, Counting lipstick stains where you should be" with desire and deep infatuation, in the chorus she asks "Do you picture me like I picture you?" she is scared of saying how much she feels for this person and has a fear of having an unrequired love. This is a very vulnerable song, aspecs of sexual desire and yearning for this person's love, to be seen like a longterm relationship in her daydreams. With this song's ethereal and haunting sounds, her lyrics truly shows emotion, her voice gives a perfect bittersweetness to it, sometimes going into a yodel, her unique vocal skills shine.
Kaleidoscope, a song about the complications and ever-changing nature of love, specifically queer love, comparing it to the way a kaleidoscope works, shifting colors and shape but always beautiful. This song was enterily written by Chappell, she said "It’s hard to explain when sometimes, queer relationships are so difficult. They’re so complicated sometimes because you fall in love with your friends, and it’s a girl sometimes. Then you’re like ‘But we’re friends! Why do I wanna kiss her?’ So that’s what this song is about."
The lyrics explores how a friendship can turn into something more but sometimes it doesn't work, it talks about the way she feels about this friendship changing and how she respects the desision her friend takes. "It’s okay because love changes. It’s a kaleidoscope. With all those tiny little piece in there. If you turn it it looks completely different but it’s really all the same. That’s what love is to me I guess. You go from friendship love, to romantic love, to whatever love you want, I guess."
In this song Chappell comes to the conclusion that even with these changes and complicated shifts, even when she acknodgleges not knowing how love works, love is still beautiful to her. She seems very understanding of the other person's choice even if it isn't what she expected. The maturity and vulnerability of this song, the softness, the bittersweetness in her delivery, incredible.
Pink Pony Club, one of my favourite songs, i truly hold this song so close to my heart. On how Chappell felt when she first released this song in 2020 "It was actually very sad, because I released it in April 2020. It was a very dark time when it came out. No one could party, and it was West Hollywood’s anthem! It’s for going out and queerness, and it was just so sad that I couldn’t perform it. The first time I had ever performed it was last May. It was on the shelf for two years because concerts won’t open, you know? It was a bummer, but I know it helped a lot of people through the pandemic."
I wanna say that the song starts with a beautiful thetrical piano and the lyrics: "I know you wanted me to stay, But I can't ignore the crazy visions of me in LA, And I heard. that there's a special place, Where boys and girls can all be queens every single day" that it instantely grabs your interest, the "Pink Pony Club" is a metaphorical place where everyone can be completely themselves and feel free. This song narrates the story of how Chappell left her small and conservative background, Tennessee, for a glittering and non-judgamental and vibrantly queer West Hollywood.
She mentions that by following her dreams of dancing in this club in Santa Monica is going to cause a scene and won't make her mother proud but how she's just having fun and she belongs in the stage at the Pink Pony Club. This is a song about self-discovery, about following ones dreams beyond what people say about it, to feel a sense of belonging and joy in this place even if it doesn't align with what her family wants or her. At the end Chappell says "Don't think I've left you all behind, Still love you and Tennessee, You're always on my mind, And mama, every Saturday, I can hear your southern drawl a thousand miles away" expressing her love and connection with her hometown and her family, how she still thinks of them and how even if her dreams has led her to a unexpected path away from Tennessee it doesn't mean that she has abandoned her past.
She ends the song by repeating "I'm gonna keep on dancing." And it truly hits me, very close to my heart. As a person with big dreams of becoming a singer, leaving my small naighborhood and my country for bigger things that can align with who i am, this song hits very hard, i cry everytime, she gets it.
With a fun intro we get into Naked In Manhattan, fun bass line and glitter-like synths, one of the songs that i feel truly capture her "slumber party pop" vibes. Chappell said about this song "I was just yearning and longing for this feeling, and it was so close I could taste it, but I hadn’t experienced it yet… It was very apparent that I was not supposed to be dating this guy,” she continues, “but I was so scared [to go there with a woman] that I wrote a song about it instead."
A song about a fun and flirty coming of age experience, where she talks about this girl she has a crush on, she tells this girl to kiss he and touch her. Youthful, curious and full of excitement the lyrics yearn for a romantic and sexual connection, with it's catchy melody and a sprinkle of doubt in the lyrics, Chappell feels courage to take this friendship to more.
California, a very emotional and honest song originally released in 2020 along with Pink Pony Club, in the middle of the pandemic, after being dropped from her label and being back at her home in Missouri. She explains "I really thought I would come to LA and all my dreams would come true. And I would feel so like myself. At times, it was that. But for many years, it was just so depressive and so heartbreaking. And I felt so defeated. And I think 'California' was inspired by wanting my dad to come pick me up. And just get me out of California because I feel like I let myself down."
Once again Chappell's ability to express her emotions in such a raw way come through. This song starts fully with her voice, no music, then we get some piano and the music builds up slowly while she sings with so much emotion and then it slowly stops for a second after the first time we hear the chorus, to then pick up again, with driving drums and in company of the piano her voice almost like a whisper sometimes.
In the lyrics she expresses how she felt in her journey following her dreams, first full of hope for what's to come, in the chorus, she then goes on to say she wants out of California repeatedly asking for her father to come get her. This is a very emotional song lyrically, with Chappell saying "Thought I'd be cool in California, I'd make you proud, To think I almost had it going, But I let you down." where she feels she has failed and let down the people that love her and believe in her. She is confronted and conflicted between the hardship of following one's dreams and the feeling of dissapointment after things not going as expected.
And lastly Guilty Pleasure, the last song of the album and also one of my favs. Chappell has said "...I think I was just like, 'You know what. This is the stamp on the album! Like, this is weird and I love this and it is a guilty pleasure.' That's what my queerness felt like. It was a guilty pleasure because I was too scared to actually enjoy it fully."
She perfectly encapsulates the themes on this album with this song, sexuality, love and lust. Starting with an acoustic soft intro with her vocalizing. Then we hear her thoughts about howshe was a little ashamed thinking about dating girls, then we transition suddenly into a very bouncy funky in the chorus. She talks about fantasizing what she could do with this person and says "Some good girls do bad things too", openly stating she wants to keep doing what she's doing and how she feels a guilty pleasure from it.
To end this whole thing, i wanna say that this album has made me fall in love with Chappell Roan, this album has been an amazing experience and it has brought so much inspiration and it help me get through some stuff. I hold this album so dear to my heart, the songs are not only incredibly fun to dace to and sing along to but also really moving and raw. Her journey not only from singing in her small town to pop princess but also from self-doubt and shame to a very confident queer woman, really means so much to me, personally i have also struggled so much with coming to terms with my queerness becuse i also don't have a strong support system at home and live in a neighborhood not super conservative but very boring and with a lot of judgement.
In terms of music, im also struggling with creating and producing and witing and recording all on my own, hopefully someday i can also see the success that Chappell has achieved with her hard work. For now, i thank Chappell for putting herself and her music out to the world, for being so brave and true to herself, for being someone more queer people can look up to and see themselvs in. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.